The month has had its highs and lows and pinch-able kind of moments. The highs manifested in the self realization that I could in fact do this. Day in and day out, my eagerness did not wane. I suprised myself with calm determination and steadfast discipline. Pack the gym bag, grab the water, let's go. And out the door I went. The lows came in the form of mustering the energy at minute 1 to get all the way to 90. The anxious moments where I had to reel my mind in and focus on even just balancing. Concentrating on the moment at hand, being nowhere else in your mind by right there breathing and letting go---talk about a challenge. You just have to surrender to it. And in between those peaks and valleys, I became more and more alive and present. As I walked to class early yesterday morning, I took in the little pangs of my corner of Manhattan. My walk to the studio....up 6th Ave, right on 22nd, left on 5th. The smell of espresso as I pass the Financier coffee bar. The ladies and daughters shopping along 5th Avenue. I rolled out my mat. It's been loved this month. The pink color fading a bit. I realized more than ever as I stood before pranayama breathing that I can do anything I put my mind to. That the ability to be, do, or react is in my hands. I watched myself in the mirror and thanked my body for all that it gave me these past 30 days. The small victories of getting deeper into posture fueled me as the month went on. Parts of who I am have come alive in the best of ways---and bikram has allowed me to be reborn, acknowledge the past and smile longingly at my own reflection. My inner thoughts mirror my outside voice now...and my spirit feels connected.
"Do yoga. Life is better. The soul is happy."