Two years ago I started this blog on my 28th birthday.  I was looking for an outlet to document my days and keep writing a part of my routine.  It felt good. It felt authentic.  It felt just as it should be.  It gave me a place to hold memories and reflect upon life changes, simultaneously allowing family & friends to get a glimpse of our life here in NYC.  With photos of our urban adventures and travels, I filled posts with things of the everyday and the excitement of the special occasions.  I did it all for myself but I also was doing it for everyone else.  And slowly it became more of a chore and not a release.  

Since having Morgan though, a major life shift has occured for me...and the paring down aspect of life has become apparent, perhaps even a theme for my 30th year.  Mindful living has always been a topic I've addressed countless times over again in this space and right now, that equates to some big lessons in self-awareness.  To be completely honest, I'm still trying to find my footing in this new life and role as a mother.  So I'm stepping back....refocusing and being gentle on myself as I live the first few moments of this new decade of mine.  Having the perspective of my 20s in the rearview mirror, this is an easy choice to make. 

Adios, Saturday's Story.  And thank you friends for following along...you've been so good to me :)  

 
 
Keep her awake!! -my text to Lee as I sat in the classic Sunday traffic on the Van Wick slugging away inch by asphalted inch back home today from JFK

I couldn't get the keys out of my purse fast enough to open door. I heard them playing in the bedroom and I sprinted inside!! Oh how I wish I could bottle up that moment of our reunion. The giggles and smiles when Morgan realized I was home was without a doubt the best Mother's Day present I could have ever received. It was like this wave of "Mom! You came back!" happiness on her face that just melted me 10x over.

I read a great idea recently to take a pic of you and your children on every Mother's Day so as to have a collection before they head off to college...so we started today. No makeup. Fresh off the plane. Unwashed hair. And a baby dressed by Dad, i.e. a onsie and no pants or a bow. Classic!
 
 
To friendship and love...
To miles traveled and laughter shared...
To family visits and first times away...
To the newest sets of Mr & Mrs' in my life...

Cheers!

(Top::Kate & Ed::St Louis)
(Bottom::Wexford Ladies and glam bride EJ::Phoenix, Arizona)
 
 
And by we I mean me. I haven't blogged much recently as a certain little miss pretty much occupies all my time (stating the obvious I realize.) We are starting to take some classes (music at The Early Ear starts next week!) & build our week up with playdates and park visits. Those times while she naps is showering, cleaning, dinner prep, laundry, and catch up with the other mamas in my life time. You know...the conversations that keep all of us new moms going.

"You're not alone"
"I feel the same way"
"You're doing a great job"

At 5pm, I rocked & sang Morgan to sleep for her last nap and had to swallow a big lump in my throat as the "please dont take my sunshine away" ended my day with her.

But right now? Solo on the LIRR enroute to JFK. I'm off to Phoenix for the wedding of one of the ladies in my life who deserves all the bells & whistles & celebration any gal does. A grand party to kick off a marriage is one heck of a solid reason to make my first trip away from my baby girl. This is hard. This is necessary. This is all part of the process and pangs of motherhood. (Dear Lord please let her take the bottle like a champ!!)






 
 
A simply beautiful reminder for all the women in my life.  Motherhood has made me look in the mirror and (on the tough days) and let out the inner "woof" as I pull on the same rotation of comfy, scrubby clothes for the umpteenth time.  My darling 10yr old cousin pointed out last weekend that I looked really tired while simultaneously motioning to the under eye area.  And as I dragged myself to the gym over the past month, I have on occasion had to catch myself from glancing in the locker room mirror and thinking a slew of negative things.

But recently, I've been owning this whole existance much much more.  Those ripped jeans and faded pink tee?  I love how they both fit me perfectly.  Take that pre-baby bod.  Those dark circles?  Nothing a little Bobbi Brown hydrating cream can't fix (or at least allow me to think so...)  And guess what?  Just getting to the gym. Sweating and a steam to simply do something for myself...alone!!!?? INDULGENT. I may not be as strong physically as before I had a kid but I'll get back there someday...and have a mental strength like I've never known.  My resolve has a gentler side to it these days, a testiment to the personal growth that motherhood is providing to me on a daily basis. 

How we perceive ourselves...how we speak to or silence our ego can make or break any moment.  Choosing to see myself as someone who is energized and capable each and every day...that's what I know right now.
 
 
After Morgan's morning nap, she's always the happiest. Today's not a cloud in the sky forecast made me ancy for her to wake up, nurse and get ourselves to the park for the warm breeze + people watching on the benches along the Mall. We talk (I talk, she listens) about the Elm trees, the musicians playing near the Bethesda Fountian, the variety of tourists that pass and smile...

Moments like this fuel me for the day, making me feel so happy to be a Mom to that sweet little girl.

 
 
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You guys...my husband is still doing push-ups. It's now up to 150/day. Almost 7mo of push-ups. 4 gentlemen left!
 
 
Oh the personality!  Every single day you, my little lady, are coming into your own.  4 months old and I'm just completely in love with who you are!  A solid 16lbs 4oz and 26.75" long, you are staying steady along the 85%ile weight trajectory and off the charts (99%+) for height, such a far cry from the average-sized newborn of your first few days of life.  Your leg rolls give me confidance that all is going well for you health wise despite worries of my milk supply and your changing nursing patterns.  Like clockwork, you seem to have "woken up" from your newborn phase in increasing amounts and do not want to miss a single moment of what's going on in the world around you.  Nursing has actually become a bit of a issue as your distractibilty is at an all time high.  It generally goes something like this: nurse for 3 min, pull off before letdown, nurse, hear a truck outside, fling head back looking for sound, nurse, smile up at me, nurse, arch back looking for a light or something interesting, nurse, get pissed off that I wont let you stop nursing.  So we're working through it, aka feeding in a dark, quiet room ;)  Tummy time has gotten slightly easier this month with you mastering the tummy to back rolling (it's the first thing you'll do when placed on your belly) but will humor me and use your hands and forearms to prop up and look at toys (or me!) if placed in front of you.  The mirror has become your best friend and you give the most flirty smile to yes, yourself, when seeing your reflection.  You have rammped up those vocal cords to the next level this month and the ahhhss & oooos & mmmmms & gahhhs are neverending and accompanied with your signature leg and arm crazy kicks.....while in the apartment with just me or Daddy around.  Take you outside or out to brunch or lots of people around?  You become quiet and calm.  We aren't sure yet if this is a sign that perhaps you'll be a bit shy or that you're simply unable to talk and take in tons of new stimulation all at once at this phase!  So many friends are in awe of how serene and easy going you are which makes me very proud...and adds to Dad's theory that you are an old soul like he claims to be ;)  You have been doing amazing in letting me drop you off at the daycare at Equinox while I workout a few times a week which has given me great sanity in so many ways.  In the past month, lots of changes (for the positive!) have developed with your daily routine.  Your solid 7-10-1-4-7-Dreamfeed nursing schedule has been replaced with 7-1015-1215-230-5-7 to accomodate your naps and ensuring you're getting enough calories during the day to keep up with the nighttime sleep you've given me.  You're still sleeping through the night from 7/730pm-7am with the occasional early wakeup before 630, but you're perfectly content to talk to yourself in the dark until I come and get you at 7.  Aside from some 4mo growth spurt activity this past weekend (fussiness to the max, wanting to nurse every hour, only wanting to be held), you're napping 830-1015/30, 1230-215, and 430-5/515.  I'm tempted to adapt this a bit so that the middle nap is a bit longer/later in the day but for now this works well for us.  We tried unswaddling for naps last month and it was crash & burn.  So we're back to the swaddle for daytime sleep, nighttime you're completely fine in your sleepsack (bizarre.)  During your wake times, you love to be outside and people watch, run errands with me, or play on the floor with your toys or your feet!  The benches along Central Park West have become an easy stake out for us and you love the attention.  (We seriously cannot go anywhere without tourisits or  little old ladies wanting to comment on or pinch your cheeks. It makes my day.) Everything, I mean everything goes into your mouth these days once in your hands.  (Including my hair which I'm still finding caught in your neck rolls or tiny fingers daily.) I've been itching to get you into some formal Mommy & Me classes so on Friday afternoons we've been going to the free infant class at Elliott's Gym on the UWS and it wipes.you.out.    All those babies and songs and activities---it's a struggle to keep you awake on the walk home before your nap.  I'm hoping to get into a music and swimming class with you this summer or fall once we can reliably attend a session at the same time each week.  The possibilities are endless and it goes without saying that NYC babies truly have it made.  As we wait patiently for more warm springlike temps to arrive, we are just loving how sweet and adorable you are Morgan.  We cant wait to see what month 5 will bring!
 

Ramblings

04/19/2013

1 Comment

 
*I got a pedicure while holding Morgan today in my lap yesterday. It was not relaxing and I made the woman race through the process. But my feet are presentable as we enter spring...and potential open toe shoe season. And Morgan was quite entertained by all the Asian women making her laugh:)  Like belly giggles. (Side note: I love how different cultures have different "goo goo gaga" things to try and make babies smile.)

*I'm a total sap(known fact). Cooking dinner this week and Tim McGraw's "My Little Girl" came on pandora. Cue the misty eyes. (Okay not just misty, full on tears.)

*Morgan's off the chart in height. Like 99%+tile. Maybe we have a volleyball player in our future! (Lee chimes in "TENNIS STAR!" from the peanut gallery)

*I'm so looking forward to wedding season this year!! Celebrating the love of friends + dinner & dancing? I can't even begin to say how happy this makes me. Lee & I are having to go solo to a few of the weddings this year due to not slugging the little one all over the country in a span of 8wks but you do what you gotta do...

*Friends announcing pregnancies and having babies makes me giddy.   

*All moms out there need to visit this site daily. Specifically the post about sleep training.  I can recall reading jokes about how crazy life is with an infant while pregnant and you can never really understand the hilarious madness until you're in the trenches yourself.

*My pediatrician (er, Morgan's pediatrician) makes me feel like I'm a really great Mom.  That's worth the co-pay right there.  

*Guilty pleasure of the moment comes in the form of the newest reality TV show called Ready For Love (with some Twizzlers on the side for good measure.)  The matchmakers are acutally fantastic!  And, while Lee rolls his eyes, I have such a soft spot for Giuliana & Bill Ransic. Love them.
 
 
Morgan prefers to sleep in her crib. It's lights out once she is *swaddled for nap time and we've got such a good routine going for her. Today, after her 2nd nap, I took her up to Elliott's Gym for their free infant class...and it wiped this little one out! Falling asleep on our way home, I just went with it and soaked up the time w her sleeping on my chest. In her first few wks it was the only way she would sleep...and now it's a rarity. I just sat there breathing in her sweetness and loving the warm snuggles.

As they say...babies grow up too fast! Love this little munchkin to pieces...

*after two weeks of terrible naps, we went back to the daytime swaddle. Sleep sack at night but swaddle during the day...weird.