spot. on.

and sometimes there's limping. but we stay.  because it's home now.  and the collective limping from others sometimes gives you the strength to grin and bear it (*like apartment hunting) 

but mostly just grin. and ENJOY it.  (*like wine night wednesdays in tribeca with an old friend)

Snail mail makes me happy anytime of the year.  I still can never wait to open a letter from a loved one between the mail room and the one min elevator ride to our apartment.  And snail mail holiday cards that fill our end tables at Christmastime?  EVEN BETTER.  Stamped, sealed and ready to go.  We're hoping to get good fridge and/or counter space in our friends & families homes this year ;)  Not going to lie....the photo is pretty good, too.  (shoutout to my BIL Andrew.  Pays to have a graphic designer x 2 in the famliy!!)

*lee ACTUALLY likes NY1. 
*the basic channel that pops up when you turn on time warner cable in nyc.
*as in he will be fully engaged in the third class news reporting while rock center and brian williams is one click away.
*cracks me up.
*a drybar has popped up in flatiron (!!!)
*drybar=no cuts, no color, just blowouts.
*how amazingly quirky and perfect.
*12 days of a wedding, thanksgiving and vacation (wine, overeaters anonymous, candy, spritzers) pretty much equals the most brutal of bikram classes upon return.
*perhaps even a potential pass out moment or two. 
*free pass from the instructor to easy back in....
*and the reset button has been pressed!
*bring on December

Today was a Monday that just felt *good*.  With a bit of spring in my step, I got up bright and early, wrapped the comfy blanket around me and snuggled into the couch before dialing in for an early morning conference call.   

I sipped coffee out of my Steelers mug, peaked around the internet for some cyber monday deals, and thought about the season at hand.  It was a mild 65 degrees in the city today but the Christmas vibe is alive and pulsing, from the red Starbucks cups to the Salvation Army bell ringer in Chelsea...to the streets filled with shoppers along 86th Street in Bay Ridge. I was recharged, refreshed, very much feeling the power of now.  

I sometimes have such bad writer's block on the days my mind begs to release a good post.  I jot down little blips in my phone hoping for a surge of words to fall perfectly into my typing hands later on.  I wish I could strip away the frustration I feel when I experience a loss for synonmys to describe how "just right" our life in New York seems to be in our little world right now.  This town has certainly made us, cliche as it is.  Blessed, sure...but it's more than that.  It's contentment + partnership + romance + everydayness all wrapped into one.  I dont....I dont even know what I'm trying to say here, but right now, right now in the anticipation for the hoopla of the holidays and celebrations that are to fill this final month of the year, I am most happy.  The life I'd always hoped for as a little girl.  This is IT. (Sarah from the past I hope you are listening:) An extra long hug with a friend....the decorating of a tree, filling the stockings, baking Mom's christmas cookies, clinking of glasses and wishes for the new year, dashing around town, awaiting the first snowfall, and even peaking into my closet and knowing the perfect red holiday dress is ready to go....the December basics.  Basically....wonderful :)

"Happy Anniversary!" a random woman and her husband whispered and winked as we boarded our flight.  (They must've overheard the gate agent ask us about the reason for our trip.)  It was the first time we had heard the sentiment said outloud in acknowledgment of our 1yr... and for some reason, the stranger's words warmed my heart as if they were said by a dear friend.  I've been awash with good feelings and memories of the year as my mind would wander to December 4th of last year.  A proper post of reminiscence will certainly come about next weekend but this trip was an early celebration of our first year as Mr & Mrs.  A time to completely relax and let go of the world for a bit (although we must admit it took us a good 48hrs to really get into that groove of calm where reading and the sound of waves in the background felt normal).  A string of days that let us have moments of just-us-ness.  It felt like a planet of our own those 4 full days.  Settling into conversations about everything under the sun that went on for hours or popped up for a quick min in the middle of the day---ones that have seemed to evade us these past few months as our schedule---but now given their ample time to grow into life ideas and simple wonderment.   To take the word "busy" out of the equation and just be....

to be kids again and run around in the waves at sunset...

to take a midday sail...and swim with some sea creatures!

to enjoy the day and evening strolls on the beach (and even few puffs of Lee's cigar;) 

and to fall in love all over again :)

It started off just as so:  

*perfectly sunny and crisp Friday NYC evening
*important guests arrive from Russia and London (!!)
*hi's and hugs and "so good to see you!"s echo in St. Xavier
*the rehearsal begins church, eyes stare in awe of the beauty of the murals
*the energy is high
*the anticipation higher
*the last Markle brother ready to be a husband
*the gorgeous Irina ready to be Mrs. Markle #4 ;)

And it was underway!  The wedding weekend of such an important couple in our lives: Lee's brother Andrew and his (now wife!) Irina.  A blending of cultures in the most fabulous of ways.  After the rehearsal we headed to Blue Water Grill for dinner in the vault!  BWG was once a bank and the nooks and crannies of this restaurant give it such an old world (almost Titanic-like) feel as you venture down the marble staircase where the private dining experience awaited us.  My in-laws have the rehearsal dinner agenda and flow down to a science.  Personal stories and anecdotes of the bride and groom filled the vault with laughter and heartfelt tears.  

My sweet sis-in-law Neha's welcoming of Irina into our family left me welling up with tears, unable to look up.  Neha, Irina and I share such a unique connection as the wives of those Markle brothers, a special club of 3 that can only understand what it's like to be married to one of the "boys" ;)  

Elena, Irina's mother's toast also struck a chord within me, as she spoke to her only child, her daughter Irina, with her best friend since childhood by her side.  Nicholai traveled from Moscow to celebrate Andrew & Irina's marriage and their friendship, standing not just the test of time but different continents was a powerful example of a lifelong frinedship.  She spoke to the love of one's friends, the community of support that augments any marriage and family circle.  She talked honestly (as Russians do;) and charged the room to hold on to those dear friends that have been with us through our lives, that even through the distance, disagreements, careers and choices, those that you have known since childhood and still have now....those friendships...THOSE are ones to nuture. And to hold on to tightly.  To respect the changes that inevitably occur as we age.  But in those differences grows understanding and a bond that is ever so deep.  My mind immediately wandered to my own friendships since childhood: Jax, my first friend when we moved to Wexford.  Who share the same 7year old memories that I do.  I'm not sure there is a word powerful enough to convey the importance of that person's role in giving perspective to life.  Elena, thank you for your words and the reflection is granted me...

Wedding Saturday rolled around the following day, Dad got to town, we rehearsed our song, and caught up over another batch of my (now famous;) chicken noodle soup.  The song?  "The Wedding Song" by Paul Stookey which was sung at our wedding last December and at so many of the guests in attendance weddings' as well.  Having not sung in public in YEARS, my nerves were high, but as soon as we got up to the alter and it began, they melted away.  To sing for Irina & Andrew on the most important day of their lives was a powerful moment for me to share with my Dad.  

Irina was breathtakingly beautiful as she walked down the aisle in a dress so perfect for her in detail and style.  The ceremony, presided by the childhood priest & family friend of the Markles, Fr. Ed, was full of love and sentiment.  Jaina was not too sure about walking down the aisle this time around as flower girl, but as soon as the ceremony ended that personality emerged and she was a total riot from start to finish.  And hands down the most adorably cute toddler in that white tafetta dress, matching fur cape and silver glitter shoes ;)  Other highlights of my darling niece include her hilariuos commentary all night long:

"Uncle Lee, you're so SILLY!" -Jaina, hardly able to contain herself laughing with the crowd during Lee's speech. 
"This is PopPop's car!" -Jaina, as we drove to photos in Washington Square Park in the hummer limo.
"I'll take the cheese sandwich!" -Jaina, upon sitting down at the dinner table, noticing the menu cards and placing her order ;)

Andrew & Irina, your love makes my heart swell.  To many more shared memories as the years and decades pass and I wish you nothing but a lifetime of happiness!  CHEERS (!!!)

ps: we're off to Barbados this week for our own anniversary celebration....what a YEAR.  Back next weekend for and update that hopefully simply says: rest & relaxation x 5 days = heaven.

As this ridiciulously out of control Fall comes to a close (December equals winter in my book), this last installment of Friday Fav randoms will come to an end and it's all holiday goodness from then on.   This weekend, Lee and I will get all dolled up (hey, black tie! I love black tie! RTR, I'm such a loyal customer this season) to his middle brother Andrew and his gorgeous bride to be Irina, the soon to be Mrs. Markle #4 right here in NYC ;)  

I give you, the final nonesensical post of my weekly favorites:

Purchased wayyyy back in September at the Henri Bendal event with the new Mrs. Fletcher, I stored these travel bags away for our Barbados trip which at the time was 10 weeks away.  How perfectly adorable for all your beach needs (waterproof pouching with HB stripes no less!)

Um, HOW is this fro-yo place *not* in NYC?  U-Swirl, discovered by me & my gorg pal Liz whilst in Arizona during a justifiable post-bikram food run, this place (dare I say)...puts Pinkberry to shame.  And their salted caremel wasnt a seasonal random.  And CAKEBATTER was a staple flavor.  Clearly, the east coast needs to get their shiz together and get a franchise in my 4 block radius.  

Ready for some cheese?  A total favorite of mine if I may?

My husband as a wedding date.  I just....*

Love this man.

I thought this was an appropriate guide given that as the season's change, women need to be reminded of this.  (First to admit, I email two friends before ever daring to hem pants incorrectly.)

Manhattanites!  Support this!  Starting in Summer 2012, you'll be able to use BikeShare as another transporation option for quick trips around town. You can become a member for an annual fee that will be cheaper than a one-month metro card or pay as you go with a credit card.  Currently, the organization is determining where to put the bike stops, so vote away to get one near you.   File under: reasons I love living in NYC.

I dont like to get too far ahead of myself...

But this morning, I couldn't help but wonder (unintentional use of the classic Carrie Bradshaw phrase)...

And hope....

And then email SKr with my thoughts...

That around the holidays in 5 years, it looks something like this: Sarah & Matt live just blocks away, all of us on the Upper West Side.  {And in the perfect world of my dream, Jackson's decided to pursue his PhD @ NYU and Liz & Brady venure back to NYC from Chicago} Details, details. It's been over a decade since calling NYC home by then.  Thanksgiving morning (we dont leave NY on Thanksgiving 90% of the time due to Lee working the following day, natch) I place biscuits with brown sugar in the oven.  We all hang out all day just like so: sweatpants, glasses, coffee mugs filled to the brim, football on in the background (okay, L & M are watching intently...) A child or two that even at their young age give clues as to "oh s/he really is just like Lee"...and Sar and I side eye each other in agreement.  And then we get manicures.  And shout on our way out: "MATT you're in charge." We get a thumbs up. 

Rinse, repeat for all December Saturdays in futureland.

Because when you put it out there, things can become reality :)  The silly, the serious, the everything in between.

The Holiday Season!  Parties are being planned, Christmas dinners being booked, and company year end events are on the calendar.  To another great holiday season in NYC and for everything that is to be enjoyed with friends and family....oooo I cannot wait (!!!)  

(I wrote this this morning....posted late)
*It started on Monday.  
*Slight chill, maybe a fever coming on?  
*I feel off.  
*No bikram tonight. 
*Let's rest and get some more good sleep (although the weekend provided me with two nights of 10+hrs.)  
*Work tasks dangling and needing to be completeed.
*Lots to accomplish before year's end.  
*Questions abounding from the newbie, silence from the boss.  
*Worrisome thoughts.  
*Just get me through this week.

And then last night, a feeling that I thought I never would have to feel again since, I guess I would say, I found my life formula (yoga, mindful eating, deep breathing when stressed, lots of greens, intense cardio.) I didn't feel it post-hip surgery when I was left stagnant and fairly immobile for 10+ days.  I didn't feel it in these past 2 months of travel and scheduling craziness...if anything I was proud of myself for normalizing to it being hectic without a breakdown where my mind and body hit it's limit.  I just haven't felt it in years.  It = the heaviness and pulsing anxiety in my chest accompanied by a dull sense of not caring and just wanting to be done, with everything, to crawl in bed and escape the world.  Like a gust of panic mixed with chills of depressive energy.  I know this sounds crazy, but to me it is a reality I used to face often, but havent experienced in years.  (I couldn't even muster the energy to get myself to a spin class last night, which is what would have definitely made me feel better and I hated myself for that because I know better, I DO better.) The feeling is so disticnt (and I loathe this feeling so much...am repulsed by the thoughts and the person that I am when it emerges) that I literally feel like I'm in a time warp shouting to myself "No...NO. This doesnt happen to you anymore. YOU HAVE MOVED PAST THIS."  And I sleep.  I slept restlessly again for too many hours last night.  

*And then I woke up. 
*Snozed too many times.
*And I wrote this all down.
*Writing it all out, addressing that it is OK that it has happenend.
*Acknowledgement is power to me.
*Just like that, the feeling has passed.
*I hope I am granted a free pass for a number of years so as to not feel this again.
*But if I do, I just got through it fine...
*And could handle it again.