I never really felt alone with the crazy gymnastics of baby M every 20min. But I did almost cry when he walked in the door at 5am this morning, driving 12hrs with the other guys to get back to NYC.
Reunited and it feels so good!
My hubby's I'm-so-sorry-I-left-you-alone-during-the-hurricane pasta ;) Poor guy felt so bad that he was stuck in Kiawah, SC unable to get home while held down the fort during Sandy.
I never really felt alone with the crazy gymnastics of baby M every 20min. But I did almost cry when he walked in the door at 5am this morning, driving 12hrs with the other guys to get back to NYC. Reunited and it feels so good!
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(*photo credit: photog to the stars, Kristin Boyd*) I've only really been surprised one other time in my life. It was October 30, 2009 and after begging Lee for weeks to take a post work stroll through the classically autumnal Central Park before dinner on the UWS, he got down on one knee just around the bend from Sheep's Meadow and asked me to marry him. It took my breath away. I couldn't speak for at least 30 seconds. It was spectacular.
Last Sunday, another life surprise left me absolutely speechless. I had known that Carbs & Abby + their husbands would arrive to our apartment before the NYC baby party for some girl time while I got ready and the guys started their paternity partying down at the Ainsworth. We had gone to the gym that morning, and I hadnt even showered yet when the doorbell rang. Lee, it's Michelle and crew. Can you grab the door? (I was standing in the hallway fixing something in the bathroom.) And then I walked into the living room and saw my favorite tall blonde's unmistakable stance and heard her voice. I didnt believe what I was seeing, the trickery that was going on in my mind seemed absurd. I lost my breath and my hands went up to cover most of my face---except my eyes which must have been the biggest space my almond shaped peepers could deliver. And in walks Kristin with that sweet baby girl Collins Grace all decked out in a handkitted dress by her Grandma Blair and I.....LOST....IT. I dont know if I hugged KCS or just asked her for the baby haha! I cried some ugly tears and asked... WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! HOW ARE YOU HERE?! ...exactly one thousand times. And then I didnt put CG down for an hour. We snuggled and she sat on my bump. The boys all left and it was girl time in 2A. If I couldve frozen time I would have. It was PERFECT. In life, I tend to like being the one to surprise friends, the one to gush over them or plan some intricate plan to blow their expectations out of the water. For a friend to go leaps and bounds out of their way to pull of a master plan of trickery like this, it simply makes my heart skip a beat. I find myself asking "how did I get so lucky?" or "how on Earth do I deserve such an outpouring of love?" On that afternoon though, I just took it all in. Every ounce of the excitement and surprise and I hope, in doing so, was able to show my sweet friend just how much her act of surprise meant to me. I didnt want to let that little peanut Collins Grace go but I'll be down to Florida soon enough (in Feb!) with our little sprout in tow, too... (baby shower party post coming soon!!) Nothing makes my day more than after eating a meal and baby girl literally throwing a high kicking party in my belly. I am pretty sure I can decipher hands/head movement from kicks/feet jabs these days and boy (girl) is she getting big in there! Punches to my bladder are not as fun but make me giggle. Sometimes I wonder how she can ever be comfortable all squished up inside there? Packin' on the pounds little lady...that's what these last 6 weeks are for!
Oh diaper bag of my dreams, you have arrived. Knocked it out of the park with this pretty packaging and perfect little note & quote that is for sure going on the birdcage in baby girl's nursery...
Love love. "Being brave and taking the leap is important – I believe that – but sometimes staying exactly where you are for a moment is just what you need in order to decide how to move forward…or if you’re going to at all. Because I have to tell you: right here, right now…it’s not somewhere I’m in a rush to leave." - Jordan Reid of Ramshackle Glam Jordan wrote a beautiful post this morning about savoring the moment and while our current situations are different-her child's 1st birthday & our impending arrival of our little gal in just a few more weeks-the parallel emotions of soaking up these days and times were something I felt very strongly in reading her words.
By far, the most difficult time of my pregnancy was the 1st trimester and the hiding-complications-woes-worries-nausea that plagued me. Your little one is the size of the appleseed, noone knows about said sprout, and the constant fear of miscarriage weighed heavily on my heart daily. And then we emerged with this joyous announcement to friends and family, a glorious 2nd trimester of travel and a new home and then finally the bump emerges. I looked pregnant by week 25-ish (enough to warrent an extra long smile from a passerby on the street, a seat offered on the subway with every tranfer)...and feeling this baby girl move with me all day long was something I longed for. With just 7 weeks to go, I now find myself in this space of wanting to meet her so badly and wanting to forever go to sleep cradling my tummy wishing her sweet dreams and knowing that right here with me she is safe. It's a delicate balance of moment savoring and wallowing in the anticipation. I'll never get to be pregnant with my first baby ever again and so in reminding myself of that, I choose to be present as much as possible, thanking my lucky stars for her daily growth, my growing belly, and my increasing emotions. The park stroll to and from my doctor's appointments, the sound of the door swinging open when Lee arrives home from work, the smell of Fall in the city... Mindful living. Savor the moment! It's said that the week I have coming up(wk 33) is when fetal movement is at its all time high. At around 4lbs, she's quickly expanding her uterine condo via the distinctive limb pushes and full on rolls that I just know are her fidgety motions trying to get snug in there while simultaneously packing on the ounces. The serious jabs catch me off guard sometimes (even though I feel her consistently throughout a 24 cycle) with a power that reassures me of her growth and providing me with a midday dose if awww. I'm know I'm not articulate enough as a writer to put together a string of words that can encapsulate this feeling...but simply put, this baby already takes my breath away. I smile as we go about our day to day things with her always in tow, always hearing and moving with me. I don't ever really feel alone and I'm not sure I can even believe she is mine.
We've been in another hussle chunk of life since returning from Miami and the days are gone in a snap. This week, we introduced our Aussie pals to our famous pizza making, hosted Andrew & Irina for a belated 30th bday dinner in her honor, and I took (yes, ready) a breastfeeding class. Amazon & Buy Buy Baby boxes arrive daily and the nursery is quickly becoming a real functioning bedroom for our mini Markle. She gave us a little scare last Friday which was actually a mama issue not baby issue but resulted in a hospital visit and, whew, we are in the clear...lets just hope she stays put til term! It is pretty common knowledge amongst my friends and family that I am a sleeper.
Acutally, all 5 of us immediate Kernions love our sleep, maybe we are even the crew that dangles on needing 9hrs a night. My Mom (love you!) had me packing my lunch solo and getting off to school independantly when I was just 7yrs old. I think this may have been less of a product of her teaching me how to make a mean PB&J solo and moreso of her need for more pillowtime as she had a 1yr old still waking her up at night and catching some 7am Zzz's after a 5am feeding was probably priority numero uno. Digression. Sorry... Sleep and sleep deprivation are some of my biggest concerns for once this baby arrives. I'm not getting great shuteye these days flipping from left side to right side with the pillow sandwiched between my legs but you know what? Even being up a few times at night for the ever popular bathroom trip, I'm still logging about 8hrs total. I get up when Lee leaves and I can relax in bed for an extra hour and a half and still get my day going at a reasonable hour. The past few days though it's been a chore to even peel myself out from under the covers by 830am. I'm talking a full on internal pep talk has to happen to get me hoisted (yes hoisted) to my feet. But something happened today that I needed to remember...and that was within 15min of waking up, I went outside. Sure it was to grab a quick cup of coffee at Le Pain across the street (regular coffee , okay half-caf...my first caffiene since April 4th and no, not making it a habit again I just needed a little perky AM buzz) but it reminded me of how gorgous and quiet and serene mornings can be even when you're not a poptart. ("Wake Up San Francisco!" a la Danny Tanner's voice will always be my mental example of morning people and how I'm not one of them.) I stood on the street outside for a bit sipping as the sun started to creep up above the treeline in Central Park and let it soak in. Morning hours with my little bitty infant daughter are going to be magical. We'll make do on the sleepless nights because we'll be able to catch the city just as she is waking from her wild night. We'll see the sun hit those trees like I dont normally do. We will breathe in the pre-rush-hour calm that is afforded to us. Mornings, we will make you magnificent. 4 glorious uninterrupted days of 85 & sunny with my main squeese and I'm one happy camper. Toss in some foody tours of Miami's finest (and hole in the wall discoveries) and you've got the recipe for one fantastic final just the two of us vacay. This whole babymoon idea, this "theory" perhaps may seem like a Hallmark holiday designed to rope in eager parents to be on to this notion that we MUST get away before the baby arrives and LIFE ENDS. I saw it as a way to toast to us both. These past 31 weeks have been a ride. It's been of the kiddieville level of slow and steady excitement..and at times as scary as one's first time ever on the Thunderbolt at Kennywood. But we've held hands. Tugged on the same end of the rope. And formed an additional layer to our relationship that is a gift itself. For all that and more...THAT'S what we were celebrating on our getaway to Miami. And getting a tan. (Hey pregnancy hormones! Thanks for the additional melanin and allowing me to actually bronze a bit;) And laughing about how the last time I was in Miami was for the fabulous Elizabeth's bachelorette weekend and Lee on his own bachelor party. My how my look has changed! Points earned for wearing this Splendid non-mat skirt as a dress? I think so. The details:
*The Raleigh Hotel: perfect hidden gem. I say hidden in that it was a small, boutique hotel without the quasi B&T vibe you sometimes get at say the Gansevoort, etc. Throwback Miami style hideaway with the art deco meets old hollywood flair elements around every corner. Daybeds at the pool, wading area perfect for me to float my belly and stretch, and virgin pina coladas on the menu. Sold. *Barton G & Casa Tua: their differences abound but both can argue for best restuarant status in South Beach. Barton G was a bit on the theatrical side for Lee (not surprising in the least, Lee's favorite restaurants in NYC tend to be of the Scalinetella or Keen's Steakhouse persuasion---old school, limited menu or no menu, family style shared sides, pasta and meat that melt before your utensil even touches it). I, however, loved Barton G. I am a sucker for the add-ons and loved the conversation that each course lended to us. (Our popcorn shrimp actually came spilled out from a movie theater popcorn box. C'mon that's cute.) Casa Tua was simply a treat start to finish. Romantic, homey and exquisite service. All intentions of making our way the following night to Prime Italian were cancelled as I wasnt sure I'd be able to fit in my seat on the flight home. Sidenote: my stomach has shrunk and only accepts 6 small meals/day. We may have been the first ones decked out leaving for dinner most nights (the bellhops loved the bump), and most definitely the first couple back in after a "night" out in Miami but it was simply fabulous. Because in just 8weeks 1day away, our new tiny boss of the Markle household is set to arrive and while I know we will have grandparents to watch our little one for a day or two or even (gasp!) a weekend away...it will never be this carefree again. There will be checkins and "oh we miss her" moments because that's what (in my mind) happens when you become a parent. You just cant help it. But in Miami, we helped ourselves to extra desserts , cheersed to each other (my husband made me happy cry over zucchini tempura) and to the journey. *i'm probably more ticked than necessary that i really can only wear my stash of sweater dresses until baby girl arrives.
*think about it. nursing in a sweater dress is seriously not happening. *practicality is taking over my style. *pumpkin banana bread on the thursday morning agenda because... *carbs arrives!! ok fine she is here for work but a morning tea sesh + dinner tonight with my fellow preggo makes this one helluva good thursday:) *i am hungry alllll the time. *nesting man, this is a serious inclination. *happy almost weekend! These little Central Park birdies bathing in a morning rain puddle had me giggling and smiling for my entire stroll home from the OB this AM.
In a year or so I'll be able to point out these simple things of happiness to our little girl and get those happy faces and cheers that only babies can provide to us---the honest and real and oh my gosh this is the best thing I've ever seen kind of joy. High five for what's to come... For the way the fall leaves are changing this city neighborhood of ours... For the ways that we all change as this season allows us to begin again...but to also reflect and marvel at what these final months of the year mean to the collective feeling of 2012...(it feels basic, primal even, as we go through this final phase of pregnancy that so many others have for centuries...) Gratitude. Today and everyday. (And for the rolls and swishes and "is that your foot?" that I'm feeling right now in my tummy. Life is a miracle.) |
AuthorSarah: one part of a family of THREE with my husband Lee and sweet girl Morgan, simply wanting to chronicle the path I'm on and the path that will come to be. For now it's NYC urban mamaville where everyday is a new adventure! (Actually, just getting to the post office is an adventure.) Ask Me Anything!Blogettes I LoveJoey & The Owl
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August 2015
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